The World Tour of Daft Places

April 07, 2024

The World Tour of Daft Places

A seed was planted in Gaylordsville, Connecticut in 2004 and it grew into a weird hobby in Twatt in Orkney in 2011. That hobby would see me and eventually other members of my family visiting towns, streets and retailers with daft names in various places all over the world. We've been to towns such as Cunta and Turda in Romania, Loveladies in the U.S., Middelfart in Denmark and Crapstone and Cocks here in the U.K. We've visited streets including Bell End, Minge Lane and Lady Gardens and businesses like a dentist called Semen Dental, a bar in Thailand called Rim Hard, a car parts shop in Vienna called Wanko and a sweet shop in Dorset called Gay's Creamery.

My dad used to live in Danbury in Connecticut and I spent a couple of months out there back in 2004. My girlfriend (now wife), my brother and his ex spent two weeks there too. We all did a road trip to Boston, then to Niagara Falls and Toronto. Gaylordsville is on the route back from Toronto to Danbury so as immature Brits it would have been rude not to visit. What a place. I say that, but I can't remember anything about it other than the sign.

I hadn't visited any other daft sounding places until Stace and I got married in 2011. Stace's family had lived in Orkney before she was born, but she'd never visited. We decided it would be a good place to go for our honeymoon. I had a look at what there was to do there, and among all the great things to see, a place called Twatt stood out. I had to go there for a photo with the sign.

I found the locations of the two decent signs with directions to Twatt. It had to be one with directions so I could stand next to it with the arrow pointing at me, obviously. When we got to the first one, it was gone. Just a couple of posts and no sign. Someone had obviously visited it and nicked it as a souvenir. This was not ideal at all. What if the other one had been stolen too? This trip to Orkney would have been a wasted journey. Then I remembered it was our honeymoon and we hadn't gone to Orkney just for this. The wedding went really well by the way.

Thankfully when we got to the other sign location it hadn't been stolen and I got my photo next to the sign pointing at Twatt the town and twat the person (me).

Absolutely glorious. I was properly buzzing. This would get me at least 40 likes on Facebook. The islands of Orkney are incredible and magical and I absolutely adore the place. It is historic, peaceful, beautiful and just generally amazing. We stayed in a little cottage by the sea in the middle of nowhere, sheltering in the warm from the howling winds outside with some incredible scenery. I remember seeing a postman driving his van about and I thought "what a life". Early start and finish every day, no stress and living in a place like this. I'd bonded with Orkney and felt at home there. Yet here I was, like a typical pathetic English bastard smiling next to this sign for Twatt. The photo ended up with 41 likes on Facebook though.

Following my visit to the edge of Twatt, I would try to get a photo with any daft named locations I happened to stumble upon. Eventually, I would end up seeking them out when I was on the road with work or on holiday. A lady I went to school with once commented on an Instagram photo of me next to the sign for a village called Shitterton asking how I always ended up at these places. When I told her that I actually make the effort to visit them, she replied "lol that's really sad 😂😂😂". I mean, she had a point to be fair.

It may have been sad, but my brother got involved with it, then my dad and then my cousins Tom and Michael. My auntie Pauline even chipped in with a visit to a restaurant called MingHin Cuisine. Were we all sad? Yes, almost certainly. It has been enjoyable though. Particularly when you find a real gem of a place like a village called The Dicker or happen to see a tram in Milan with an advert on the side for a yoghurt called Nonce. It is part of who I am now (not a nonce but finding these signs) and whenever I go somewhere new I can't help looking to see if there are any daft sounding places in the area.

Below are a selection of the better ones. I still have others on the radar to visit such as Lower Touches and Cockle Dicks Lane and I'll update the post as I go along. If you happen to visit any daft places, let me know. Maybe we'll bump into each other on Fanny Hands Lane at some point.