The Midlife Crisis Walking Club. Hike 1: Mini-Alps in the Malvern Hills

Andy, Lee, me. The Worcestershire Beacon

Yesterday was an enjoyable but tiring one for me and a couple of good friends. 18 miles on our feet and the very first outing of what we have jokingly called the Midlife Crisis Walking Club. We are three dads in our mid-40s who all have young children under 18 months old. The idea is to get some proper walks in before we end up being the oldest parents at school pick up. 

The three of us have known each other most of our lives. Andy, Lee and I went to school together in Ledbury and we have never really drifted apart. We all stayed in the area so we see each other fairly often anyway. This time though we swapped pints and catch up in the Prince of Wales for boots and a long walk in the hills. All of us love hiking but we haven't done much of it together. I'd bumped into Andy while we were out with our prams and he made the suggestion of a walk with mates, just to get a bit of healthy time away from the stresses of fatherhood.  

For our first sad dads adventure we picked the Mini-Alps trail which I found on the Long Distance Walkers Association website. It's a 17 mile circular route through farmland and woodland on the east side of Herefordshire and along the Malvern Hills.

The Mini-Alps route (source: LDWA)

The path officially starts in Malvern Wells, with an immediate ascent up into the hills, but we decided to start it in Colwall which is closer to home and a good place to park up. That meant that the first half of the walk was through flat-ish fields, followed by a more challenging finish up and along the hills. We were fully prepared to get muddy on this walk as the recent weather had not been particularly pleasant. We all wore gaiters which definitely saved us from wet socks and feet. 

The start of the walk took us past Colwall Cricket Club and then towards the church. We then trudged through fields and stomped along country lanes towards Coddington. Despite the muddy conditions we maintained a reasonable pace of 3mph and quickly ticked off 6 miles. Then we realised we'd missed a gate and had gone off the path by about half a mile. After a hopeful look around, we decided we had to turn around and get back on track. 

Trudging through the fields from Colwall

Crossing back over a stream we didn't need to cross in the first place

Once we found the gate, we followed the lanes past Mathon and Cradley and then up into Stocking Coppice. We took an intentional wander off course this time from the coppice to try and have a look at Whitman's Hill Quarry, but after scaling a barbed wire fence and risking our manhood, we couldn't find a particularly good view of it. We then bumped into a bloke walking his dog who asked us "just the three of you is it?", which I presumed meant that he was checking if he had to let any more people through, but then we started to think we might become part of some sort of perverse forest manhunt. 

The Herefordshire Beacon in the distance

Ascending towards Stocking Coppice, West Malvern

Trying, and failing to get a good look at Whitman's Hill Quarry, Malvern

It was a beautiful little patch of woodland, but was full of fallen trees. We had to walk down a very steep and muddy bank to reach the fields on the other side of the ridge and ended up coming out of the wrong gate. I'd uploaded the GPX file of the route to the Organic Maps app, which is great and free, but it doesn't have a satellite mode. We couldn't really work out where we were actually supposed to exit the wood and ended up in some quite overgrown sections. When we found a fence adjacent to the field we needed to be in, we climbed over it by traversing a fallen tree about 5 ft off the ground. Andy went first and made towards the end of the tree. Then I started, and when Andy jumped from the tree, it dislodged it and put me head first into the brambles and onto the ground. Luckily I was fine, but we all momentarily felt like a bunch of amateurs and idiots. 

Navigating steep and muddy paths through Stocking Coppice

I think we took a wrong turn

After getting into the correct field relatively unscathed, we then started the slow and strenuous ascent up the banks to West Malvern and onto the northern part of the Malvern Hills. It was quite gruelling in parts and would be really challenging if you were unfit. The path took us up between End Hill and Table Hill, then around the back of North Hill. 

Approaching Table Hill from End Hill, the Malverns

Rounding North Hill, the Malverns

The Mini-Alps path actually skirts around the summits of Worcestershire Beacon and the Herefordshire Beacon. We'd decided we'd rather go to the top of both of them, so after rounding North Hill we headed straight for the Worcestershire Beacon. I've been up this hill many times, but with 10 miles under our belts it was really hard work hiking up the path to the top. When we eventually reached the highest point of our walk, we dropped down to find a bench sheltered from the wind and have our first break and some lunch. 

The walk to the Worcestershire Beacon from the north

Looking south from the Worcestershire Beacon trig point

After getting refreshed with sandwiches, cakes and a beer, we moved on down towards the Wyche Cutting. From there we crossed the middle section of the Malverns at a fairly rapid pace so we'd have time for a quick pint at the lovely Malvern Hills Hotel at the foot of the Herefordshire Beacon. 

It was getting a bit chilly so we all put our warm hats on. Lee is a bit like me in that he probably spends far too much money on outdoor clothing. Andy is, shall we say, quite cautious with his earnings and donned a Gloucester Rugby beanie that looked like it had seen many, many winters. It complimented the Regatta fleece that he has been wearing for 5 months of the year for the last 15 years or so. Lee looked like he was a special ops commando taking the village idiot on a training exercise. 

Hats on

When we finally reached the Malvern Hills Hotel, we'd hiked 15 miles exactly, with roughly 3 miles to go and roughly 2 hours left of daylight. With the official walk being 17 miles long and us cutting out the start section from Malvern Wells, I thought we'd only end up having to do around 16 miles. With our error earlier in the walk though and the diversions to look at a concealed quarry, this walk was now a couple of miles longer than anticipated. We all felt fine though apart from slightly sore legs and feet. 

After finishing our drinks, we started the plod up to British Camp (the Herefordshire Beacon). We knew that this was the last proper ascent on this long walk, so we took it on with relative ease. I wouldn't say we had springs in our steps, but we were definitely more motivated than we had been 6 miles back approaching End Hill. Reaching the summit felt good. Three Herefordshire mates on probably the most iconic hill in our home county after a full day of walking. A glorious hillfort with wonderful views of our local area. After a bit of pride and taking in the scenery, we realised it was cold, windy and that the light was fading, so with proper springs in our steps this time, we started the descent back to Colwall. 

Drinks at the Malvern Hills Hotel

The path to the Herefordshire Beacon

The view north from the Herefordshire Beacon

...and the view south

We wound our way through woodland paths on the western side of British Camp, over the A449 and gradually down to the edge of Colwall. We were pretty chuffed with ourselves when we reached the car. Despite some map reading errors and embarrassing moments, it was class. Hard work, yes, but surprisingly good fun. There is something brilliant about spending a whole day outside with some of your oldest friends and coming away with sore legs and stupid stories. We have already decided there will be a next one. We have our eye on another path from Long Distance Walkers Association called the Isbourne Way, which follows the whole of the river Isbourne from source on Cleeve Hill to Evesham. That's probably better to do when the weather gets less terrible though, so next up will be a SlowWays walk from Ledbury to Hereford. The Midlife Crisis Walking Club lives on.

Walk Details

Route: Mini-Alps, Malvern Hills District

Distance: 17 miles (but we made it 18 miles)

Difficulty: Moderate to Hard. There are some steep sections and it's a pretty long walk. You have to be reasonably fit.

Time: 7-8 hours

Terrain: Fields, lanes, woodland and hills

Dog Friendly?: There were a few very rickety stiles and some livestock. Doable with dogs that are used to this length of walk, but not ideal for your average dog walker. 

Pub Stop: The Colwall Park Hotel or Colwall Legion in Colwall (obviously). The Wyche Inn and Chase Inn near to the Wyche Cutting. The Malvern Hills Hotel at the foot of the Herefordshire Beacon. 

Found on: Long Distance Walkers Association Mini-Alps LDP

Approaching Colwall from British Camp

Over the railway bridge in Colwall on the final steps of our walk

Our Mini-Alps walk in the Malvern Hills National Landscape