A Night in the Woods
The tent we usually take is big and heavy. Trying to roll it up and force it back into its bag makes me what to drape it over myself and set it on fire. I'd buy a cheap little tent this time around and one that had reviews suggesting it was easy to pack away. We go on a lot of walks in the woods and I'd said a fair few times that I'd love to stick at tent up and spend a night in the proper wild. I thought if I got myself a light, small tent I could give that a go as well. That got me obsessed with the idea of wild camping, so finding a tent suitable for that became more of a priority than finding one better suited for a music festival.
I found a decent little single pole, 2 man tent on Amazon for under £60. Most people know that the reality of the "man ratings" of tents is that if you go to the capacity, you'll basically be spooning and you won't have room for any other stuff. Fortunately I was planning to be on my own and if any spooning was going to happen on my night in the woods it would mean something had gone horribly, horribly wrong. I picked up a cheap, large backpack so I could take the stuff I needed for a night away and turn it into a bit of a hike. My wife thought this was some sort of mid-life crisis, and I said it wasn't, but to be fair I was a 43 year old man wanting to sleep on his own in the woods ahead of a life changing event, so that probably meets the criteria of both 'mid-life' and 'crisis'.
There are a couple of big-ish woodland areas outside Ledbury where we live. Through both of them you can walk the 10 miles to Malvern over the hills which seemed like a good plan. I'd walked to the Malverns with my wife and dogs through the Conigree Wood a couple times so I opted to go through the Frith Wood this time. You go via Colwall that way which has a train station, so if I was too tired to walk up the Malverns I could get home from there. I filled my massive rucksack with all the essentials and some extra warm clothing in case it was colder than expected in the dark woods 2 miles from home.
About a mile into the walk when it started going uphill, it became evident that I had brought way too much stuff. The bones in my legs were hurting and I was a sweaty mess. I made it to a spot that looked like it would be perfect though and I set my tent up.
The thing with wild camping in England is that you aren't allowed to do it. It's not something you can be arrested for unless you refuse to move on when asked, but you can't just pitch up somewhere in the middle of the day and expect it to be fine. Personally, I think it's ridiculous that we have loads of woodland and open areas that we can't camp on because it's all owned by someone or some organisation, but I also get the fact that you'd undoubtedly get groups of idiots that would let the side down if it was permitted. If you are quiet and respectful without starting daft fires and you leave zero trace you were ever there, you should have a right to roam.
I found a decent little single pole, 2 man tent on Amazon for under £60. Most people know that the reality of the "man ratings" of tents is that if you go to the capacity, you'll basically be spooning and you won't have room for any other stuff. Fortunately I was planning to be on my own and if any spooning was going to happen on my night in the woods it would mean something had gone horribly, horribly wrong. I picked up a cheap, large backpack so I could take the stuff I needed for a night away and turn it into a bit of a hike. My wife thought this was some sort of mid-life crisis, and I said it wasn't, but to be fair I was a 43 year old man wanting to sleep on his own in the woods ahead of a life changing event, so that probably meets the criteria of both 'mid-life' and 'crisis'.
There are a couple of big-ish woodland areas outside Ledbury where we live. Through both of them you can walk the 10 miles to Malvern over the hills which seemed like a good plan. I'd walked to the Malverns with my wife and dogs through the Conigree Wood a couple times so I opted to go through the Frith Wood this time. You go via Colwall that way which has a train station, so if I was too tired to walk up the Malverns I could get home from there. I filled my massive rucksack with all the essentials and some extra warm clothing in case it was colder than expected in the dark woods 2 miles from home.
About a mile into the walk when it started going uphill, it became evident that I had brought way too much stuff. The bones in my legs were hurting and I was a sweaty mess. I made it to a spot that looked like it would be perfect though and I set my tent up.
The thing with wild camping in England is that you aren't allowed to do it. It's not something you can be arrested for unless you refuse to move on when asked, but you can't just pitch up somewhere in the middle of the day and expect it to be fine. Personally, I think it's ridiculous that we have loads of woodland and open areas that we can't camp on because it's all owned by someone or some organisation, but I also get the fact that you'd undoubtedly get groups of idiots that would let the side down if it was permitted. If you are quiet and respectful without starting daft fires and you leave zero trace you were ever there, you should have a right to roam.
I'd started my walk late in the day to arrive in the woods just before sunset. Theoretically fine, but if you set up in a bad place, you won't have the daylight to move anywhere else. When I settled into my tent, I realised I was in a pretty bad place.
I thought the spot I'd picked was relatively flat, but when lying in the tent and starting to slide down to one end, it clearly wasn't flat at all. When the pitch black night set in, the creatures in the woods around me started breaking the twigs in the pretty densely twiggy area I was in. Then a muntjac started screaming. Even when you know exactly what it is, if you're lying there in the dark, on your own, in a place that looks like the woods in Evil Dead and you start hearing what sounds like the wails of impending death, it can be quite difficult to sleep.
Then your mind starts to wander and you convince yourself that there must be a lunatic that lives in these woods, just waiting for an idiot to camp on their own so he can torture them with a saw or something. The reality is that if you were a bloodthirsty murderer you'd have to be incredibly thick to go hunting for people at night in a place that no one ever goes to at night. It'd be like shopping for a new sofa and checking in KFC on the off chance they've expanded into home improvements. I was probably safer in the woods than I would be at home if I forgot to lock the door. Like I say though, your mind starts to wander. Thinking about being murdered and hearing animals screaming nearby all night isn't exactly the perfect recipe for a good night's sleep.
When it started to get light again, I reckon I'd had about 3 hours kip. I was absolutely shattered. The idea of carrying my heavy pack to Colwall, let alone Malvern seemed completely daft now. I changed my plan and just opted to do a different route back home, through a field that would give me a really good view of the sunrise over the Malvern Hills. It would be about 2 and a half miles home, but that was better than the other options in plans A and B. I found my sunrise field, dug out the can of cider I was planning to drink much later in the day and watched the sun come up. It was absolutely beautiful. The cider made me want to throw up, but I forced it down nonetheless.
I walked home through Ledbury and arrived at about 7am. Considerably earlier than my wife was expecting me. Had a quick shower and jumped into a bed which has never felt so comfortable. Five or six hours later I woke up, feeling like I'd been a bottler and a failure though. I knew that it was going to bug me forever if I didn't go back into the haunted woods with the screaming muntjacs again and walk to Malvern the following morning. I would go again pretty soon after and I'll talk about that in my next post.
When it started to get light again, I reckon I'd had about 3 hours kip. I was absolutely shattered. The idea of carrying my heavy pack to Colwall, let alone Malvern seemed completely daft now. I changed my plan and just opted to do a different route back home, through a field that would give me a really good view of the sunrise over the Malvern Hills. It would be about 2 and a half miles home, but that was better than the other options in plans A and B. I found my sunrise field, dug out the can of cider I was planning to drink much later in the day and watched the sun come up. It was absolutely beautiful. The cider made me want to throw up, but I forced it down nonetheless.
I walked home through Ledbury and arrived at about 7am. Considerably earlier than my wife was expecting me. Had a quick shower and jumped into a bed which has never felt so comfortable. Five or six hours later I woke up, feeling like I'd been a bottler and a failure though. I knew that it was going to bug me forever if I didn't go back into the haunted woods with the screaming muntjacs again and walk to Malvern the following morning. I would go again pretty soon after and I'll talk about that in my next post.
Update: Our daughter Molly was born 22nd of June. A fairly traumatic birth that led to us spending four nights in hospital. HELLP syndrome isn't very nice at all, but the people on the delivery suite and maternity ward at Hereford Hospital are wonderful and I will be grateful to them for the rest of my life. Molly is a beaut and we love her to bits. The little tent made it to Lakefest and by that time I'd become a seasoned camper that could absolutely boss the festival scene, rocking up with everything I needed in one bag. It was class and we had a superb weekend.
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